Growing bruises, one fall at a time.

Last week, I fell while walking.

I had met up with a symphony friend in Del Mar, and we headed for an easy stroll along the cliffs overlooking the beach. One thing lead to another, and I – invariably – tripped over something. Yes, I have never admitted to being the most coordinated person out there.

And it was one of those amazing falls – I was so close to catching myself….. I almost had my legs under me a number of times, SO CLOSE – before forward momentum and an unstoppable force in the form of my torso decided to prove that Newton’s Laws of Gravity were in fact correct.

I bit it – HARD.

My right quad, 5 days post-fall. And yes...that is a shark in my bathroom.

And I now have a perfect understanding of how someone can loose consciousness when they have extreme pain.

Because, on my way down to proving Newton’s Laws of Gravity, there was an object – in the form of a tennis ball sized rock – between my right lateral quad, and the ground. I certainly didn’t see it.. and wouldn’t ever intentionally aim for a rock. It was just there – with my name on it.

And I felt it.

Yes…. I have raced Ironman…. ripped out an ill-placed belly button piercing during a botched snow tube ride (ouch)… and even broken my back in a bike crash. NEVER have I felt pain like this…. when my thigh connected with the rock.

I felt the rushing in my ears, saw the blackness as it pressed around my eyes, and struggled to maintain my dignity – which was silly, as I had lost all of it during my fall. My world turned black and white, and tunneled and I focused on the distance waves to maintain consciousness. Gradually color returned, my pinprick view expanded, and the blackness was replaced by a throbbing unlike what I have ever felt before.

HOLY MOTHER F*CKER, PIECE OF $HIT, BLOODY F*CKING HELL &**$!(*(!!#*&*&#@)@!*&*!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Waves of nausea mixed with pain passed through my body, and I spat up bits of my breakfast.

I’m not sure how long we stood there – both of us were shook up. But gradually we gimped back towards the Coastal Highway. I was having a hard enough time not passing out. The pain was unlike anything I have EVER experienced, and I discovered that I could not flex my quadricep muscle at all…. It was as though I had no quad…. bending my knee was impossible, and it was all I could to to keep from falling.

Long story short – after icing my lateral quad and making a panicked call to my nurse friend, I decided to head to the nearest Emergency Room. It feels SO ODD to check myself into a hospital for something as trite as a fall.

BUT…. but….It needed to be done.

I was concerned about my coumadin and how being on blood thinners would affect my body after such a hard impact, but more importantly – I started going into shock. Bleeding and pain will do that, I guess. That much I realized. I needed help.

There’s something very humbling about going to the doctor for what amounts to falling – especially at 30. I joked with my nurses that, I felt like an old person. After going over my medication list, she sympathetically commented – You’re not. You just take medications that typically old people take.

Um… thanks? I think??

I hope she was referencing the coumadin.

But this is how it is. This is my new reality – When I fall, I’m more susceptible to serious injury and medical complications.

I can’t change it. I hate it. And denying that I’m upset would just deny how I feel about it. Honestly… it sucks. I trip while walking – and because I’m taking blood thinners for a condition caused by lupus – my body bleeds 10X more than it normally would, and I go into shock and nearly pass out as a result. This is why I can’t yet bring myself to ride my bike outside. There are ALWAYS risks – with everything we do. But that’s not one I’m willing to take…. not yet, anyway.

But I’m also really lucky. I understand this…. don’t like it…. but I understand it. And I’m working hard to change my reality, and embrace the many things that I CAN do, and that I still have.

Yes, I have a new found capability of sprouting massive bruises…. But I’ve also got a wonderful family, a fantastic support system, my sense of humor has largely remained in tact, I love to play the violin, have fun splashing around the pool swimming mad lap after mad lap, express myself through writing and photography, and have two kitties that – even though they appear to hate each other – actually can get along.

Six days post fall – I’m feeling better. If not slightly wary of walking. But I know I’ll be back out there at some point.Perhaps tomorrow. Yeah – tomorrow…. I’ll play it safe and swim today. We’ll see. For now, the saga continues…

Shitty Kitty and House Monster

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5 thoughts on “Growing bruises, one fall at a time.

  1. OUCH!! Hope you are feeling better soon – not just from the fall but also from your sadness. Nobody would fault you for that Marit.

  2. MArit, i found you:) I am just catching up! First i love your pictures, they are so lovely, and so you:) I Work with older adults and you are NOT an older person, you remember that. You may have some similar feelings and emotions, and that is actually ok. And like Beth said. OUCH. falling hurts and nobody likes to do it, and in the winter here, um i wipe out ALL THE TIME!

    Rich loves your blog too:)

  3. Oh, Marit! I love every bruised inch of you! And I love your blog! You are the most amazing person I know, and I’m so blessed to have you in my life. My kids miss “The Marshmallow Lady”. Xoxo Walk safely! 🙂

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