Okay – reality. I’m sitting on the couch, avoiding the kitchen with its massive supply of PB cups, trying to think of witty anecdotes to distract myself. Apparently I’m oh-so-over my PB cup overdose, and the stock that I’ve amassed for tomorrow’s hike with C seems to be calling my name. Tinkering around in Photoshop and watching the latest episode of Downton Abbey was helpful, but I swear, I can hear them calling my name.
“….Marit……Marit…..?” Those wiley PB Cups.
But the distraction is welcome, and at the end of the day – not all that serious.
What IS a bit more serious, was the discussion X3 I had with my nurse today. Apparently people in the medical field get really really nervous when your PT/INR (measurement of how thin your blood is) resembles that of a medium-to-large sized earthquake.
I’m usually very very very good about keeping a pretty stable level in my system. And with the history of massive DVT/PE, this is something I’ll have to do for the rest of my life. But producing my highest # to date is NOT something that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. So I’ve been warned to not do anything that involves jumping or bumping into things. Avoiding death by shark attack is preferable, because I’ll bleed out well before getting to shore (that is, if I could even make it to shore as I would probably be devoured in a few quick bites). On a more serious note – I’ll monitor carefully, be cautious when I head out with C tomorrow, and if something doesn’t feel right – listen to my body. In addition, NO alcohol or medication that would thin my blood further until my next blood test Monday morning.
That includes no yummy Belgians during the football game. This makes me mad.
Fuck you lupus, and your damn clotting disorder.
It’s always fascinating to me – I can feel so strong or so capable and normal (which is awesome), do some pretty cool things with my body (I hiked 25 miles last weekend) and then WHAM! – another reminder that there’s this fucked up set of things that I have to deal with.
But don’t we all?
I mean – that’s what it is to be human, and ultimately, to live.
So tomorrow I hike – because I want to do the things that matter to me, be with people I love doing things that I love, and not let something that is (admittedly) a little scary keep me from pressing forwards. Yes, it IS a calculated risk, but one that I feel okay with. There are other times when I would yank the reigns in and lay low; I’m NOT about making bad choices and I think I’m pretty good with listening to the voice in my head when something isn’t right. And, even though I’ve known about my lupus for almost 4 years now, I’m still learning how to live with it. I refuse to live in a glass bubble – because that is NOT real or me or whatever you want to call it. And if I see a Mountain Shark, well, we’ll just cross that bridge when we come to it. And who knows – I’ve dealt with enough crapola in my life to just go slightly batshit crazy on that mofo. Excellent word choice, I might add.
Other exciting stuff?
In no particular order….
I made my first crane! Good job, my co-workers said. Festivus Miracle, I replied. Once I stopped labeling the corners and getting all obsessed with “reverse fold i” and just followed along with the others, it wasn’t bad. Who knows? Maybe I’ll get all crazy and make another. Stranger things have happened.
Fitness Challange on Monday! I’ve been attempting my pull-ups (underhand) and am doing my best to not cheat by kipping. Still don’t know how I’ll lift my arms over my head the day after- but as long as I can crank out XX, I’ll be okay. Even X would be acceptable. I just hope I don’t let one rip mid-test, er, yeah.
Excited about watching football with the Yank! Sad that it’s the last game. And wrapping my head around that Belgian thingy, for what it’s worth. Or lack of Belgian thingy. Fin du Monde was my beer of choice – some people would call that ironic, myself included.
And…in happy, pixel-stuff, while going over a few older files today, I cam across a few pictures that make me happy. The first is from Parson’s Landing on Catalina Island. Last May, the Yank and I backpacked the Trans Catalina Trail, and I came across this shot of us having breakfast. We were being very serious, obviously. The second is a panorama of one of my most favoritest places EVER – Bainbridge Island, Washington State. It’s the view from a friend’s deck after an incredible sunset.
Both pictures make me happy – but so too does the thought of another PB Cup, so I’ll enjoy that as well and then finish prepping my gear for tomorrow’s hike. Because…well… why not?